Peace

I feel life pushing me in the back.
like high-speed train that wants to push me forward towards my next destination.
I like the feeling.
eventhough I'm still holding back and remain standing still.
but the energy is there and once I'm ready to go.
I know it will be great.
but before I go I just want to find my peace.
I know that I'm probably the most peaceful when I'm on the move.
but I want to be able to be still.
and still have a smile on my face.
be able to still my restless soul.
stop that itch under my skin.
that just wants to make me run.
I'm getting more familiar with the peace and silence.
we are making friends.
it all about personal choice.
and it all starts with love.
and taking the time to figure things out.
without trying escape the things needed to be done.
and believe that everything is going to be all right.
whatever happens.
love

My way

I try to find my own way.
slowly, one step at a time.
I have my dreams.
I have fears.
and they come hand in hand.
but deep inside I know that only way I can go is my way.
everyone goes their own way.
in their own way.
it's easy to stare yourself blind at other people's lifes.
and try to live the life they live.
but deep inside I know that the only way I can go is my way.
the only life I can live is mine.
the only life I want to live is mine.

I can be the happiest you'd ever met.
but I can also be horribly weighed down by my inner darkness.
the big differences scares me sometimes.
and makes me doubt that I can do what I want to do.
both sides can be so convincing.
two sides of the same coin.
just as strong and argumentive.
one is positive.
the other is negative.
but I guess it's just human.
it's ok.
everything is all right.

Love
mary

Walk my own way...

I'm back in Sweden and slowly mentally landing from all the travelling.
Like most longer trips I've done before this one also changed me.
I've matured. I've changed my priorities.
Part of me is still confused and doesn't know who I am and what I want to do with my life.
And in a way it's true.
I don't have all the answers.
I don't know what's gonna happen next.
But that has to be ok.
I'm back in the one of the most conformed countries in the world.
I know that I want to be here.
But I must find my way of living it.
The sooner I can realise and accept that I can't live somebody else's life.
The sooner I can get on living the life of my dreams.
I look at job ads.
But I know that's not what I want to do.
I want to be free.
Be my own master.
Walk my own way.
Build my world.
Work on my strenghts and weaknesses.
Accept the way I am.
Stop trying to fit in.
Stop feeling alone.
Because I'm not.
Be happy when I'm happy and sad when I'm sad.
Accept life as it is.
A hell of a ride.

Love

Freedom

I just realised that I no longer have any secrets.
I don't have any shame left in my body.
Whatever happened happened and that's fine.
No biggie.
My stories are my stories.
They have been part of my trip through life.
But, I'm no longer emotionally attached to them.
They don't define who I am.
I don't define myself by my past.

I am my light in the dark.
I love myself above and beyond.
I am my caregiver.
I walk in the magic light.
I listen to the kind voice from within who recognises all parts of me as precious.
The dark and the light.
It doesn't matter.
Everything is easy as long as I don't force things upon myself.
Struggle to maintain some kind of image will never work, darling.
And I know it.
I don't compromise myself anymore.
And if you don't like what you see.
Then please, let me be.
Just let me be free.
Free to be me.

Love
Mary

Living Life

Love living my simple life.
Go with the flow and just see what happens.
No judgement.
Especially not from myself.
I'm done with trying to fit in some set frame.
I am everything I want to be.
Amen.

Love
Mary

Love

I love that I've reached a point in my life when I know what I want out of love.
I want love to be easy.
Easy, in the way that the attraction or feeling is undeniable. 
I love the times I've met men who really have seen me.
I see him.
He sees me.
We meet and there we are.
It's easy.
We can't deny it.
I want him.
He wants me.
Simple as that.
I don't expect relationships to be easy.
But, the love can't be a struggle from day one.
Sometimes though, we get so hungry for love that we can't see that this isn't easy enough.
We get spelled by this person or fooled by our deep wish to be loved that we simply can't see that this person doesn't see you.
We might even forget who we really are in the quest for this person's love.
We loose ourselves in the struggle.
I don't want to do that anymore.
I never want to loose myself again.
I love myself to much to put myself through that again.
But, I know that I have to be careful.
I love love.
And, I love having relationships.
And, I love loving people to bits.
I love being in love.
I love loving.
And, my heart lives in vagina.
And yes, love making is my favorite physical activitiy.
But, the thing is.
I know all this.
And as soon as first glimpses of love seem to difficult or complicated.
I'm just gonna let go.
And let it be.
Because if I have trouble to be seen.
It's probably not down to me.
I am who I am.
Or whoever I wish to be.
I can be a sunny day or a starry night.
But, that's down to me.
I'm not gonna pretend to be somebody else than I am.
I got all the love that I need.
The love is just out there.
Inside all of us.
It's easy.
And that's all there is to it.

Love

Mary